New Hot Dog and the Lady Bun up at Vice!  

·  Next time you fart, instead of saying, “Excuse me,” yell “Nothing but net!” If she doesn’t immediately leave you, she might love you.

·  Being incredibly annoying for an extended period of time can put a test on whether or not a woman truly loves you. Why not carry an accordion with you for a week and constantly ask if you can “squeeze out a tune” for her. If she doesn’t shoot you or herself in the mouth by the end of the week, it may be true love.

·  Test out the waters by saying “I flove you” during sex and see if she likes it. If she reacts poorly, explain “floving” is a new sex act where you fuck with gloves on. (Have gloves on standby!)

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