Today @albz and I deal with online dating. Full article here.

Looking for ladies online is great because it allows us to do exactly what we’re programmed to do: Play with electronics and judge women by their appearance. Plus, you can’t be rejected online. There’s software for that.

FACEBOOK RULES:

·       Try setting your relationship status to “It’s Dumplicated.” That will show you understand emotional complexities AND have a 12-year-old’s sense of humor. Women love children.

·       Shoot a profile picture of just your penis decorated with googly eyes and lipstick.

·       If there’s a lady you fancy, comment on everything she posts on her wall with a simple, yet classy, “SLAM DUNK!”

·       Never express confusion online. It implies weakness. If something IS confusing, always respond with “What’s the dilly-o with DAT?” This can be read as true confusion, or as simple, racist irony.

Sample Online Ice Breakers:

·       “Do you have any pictures of your family? Just kidding! Only tits please!”

·       “Hey I’ve never met you before but based on your pictures I think you’re the perfect girl: you don’t want a boyfriend and you have a tiny vagina.”

·       “You seem to be fun and by that I mean, ‘You have blonde hair!’”