I grew up with red hair. And now it’s turning Blonde, like I’m some kind of asshole. My whole childhood I was mocked and ridiculed for having bright red hair, and now people like to look at me and say the words “Strawberry Blonde”, which makes me feel like a scratch and sniff.

Growing up with red hair sucked. People always assumed I was magic and tried to drink my blood to learn where I’ve hidden my gold. they’ve even proved it scientifically that everyone hates red-heads.

And after having drank at “red-heads only” water fountains, and been in all the MIA videos, I feel like my own body is now betraying me. It’s turning on me! You see, Gingers are the underdog and Blondes are the master race. Gingers are the crazy grounds keepers, and Blondes are the news anchors. Gingers have things said to them like, “Your pubic hair must whisper secrets to you in Gaelic!” Blonde people say things like, “I speak Spanish because the nanny taught me!”

I’m becoming the exact thing I’ve always stood against when I raised that Red Head Freak Flag at the Ginger Day Parade!

But there’s one place that I’m still a redhead. My Beard. (OK, there’s another place, but let’s keep it clean, Mr. Fanta Pants Firecrotch) And since I’ll be working in an office for the next 2 months, working on my new anti-game show for IFC (Exciting!) I’ve decided to see how thick and bushy this Carrot beard can get.

Lastly: I can’t really grow a beard. So this is probably going to end up being a patchy, sickly-looking collection of proud and sparse hairs. BUT THOSE HAIRS WILL BE RED! (And apparently some are now also grey which is a new thing that deserves it’s own post and a real “what the fuck!”). I will grow as proud a red beard as I possibly can. And then when February 18^th comes around I’ll shave it and become a Game Show host (something a Blonde man is perfectly suited for.)

IT IS TIME TO PUT AWAY CHILDISH THINGS AND BECOME A NAZI. Or at least stop calling myself a ginger. Here’s the first GPOYAG (Gratuitous Picture Of Yourself As a Ginger) feel free to post yours, too:

1. mlzaj reblogged this from kurtbraunohler and added:

   around ginger beards. Gingerbeard men.

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